Marriage.

Audrey and Tim are finally getting married!! :D

Photo stolen from Aud's website.

In case you didn't know, Audrey is the writer of fourfeetnine.com and Tim is the founder of Nuffnang. I've been following Audrey's blog for quite sometime now and I've always wondered why they're not already married.

Well, Audrey may not know me but "HEY! I KNOW YOU!!!" and seriously, I feel so happy for you. Congratulations!! Don't know why I'm so happy for her even though I don't really know her in real life. (;¬_¬)

Also, a few of my friends are getting married (and a few already married). I'm really happy for them. And also a little jealous. LOL! Honestly, I'm well known as the desperate one. I've always wanted to be married.


I don't know. Mayb it's the ceremony, mayb it's the pretty wedding dresses or mayb it's the pretty wedding photos.

Somehow recently I've realised that it's because I wanted to tie down the one I loved with me. I thought marriage would cancel out the cheating option for my partner.

And also recently, I realised that my thinking is wrong. Not that I'm stupid enough to believe that men won't cheat after marriage but I don't know how or why that thinking was stuck with me all these while.
Somehow, I didn't want to get married so fast any more. NOW.

Because I realised that after I'm married, I am the one being tied down. Even if my husband were to cheat on me, I am still the victim and I'll be even more heartbroken than now.

Of course, you'll only marry that person when you believe in him right? What if I can never trust anyone? Shall I never get married?

One of the reasons why I won't love my partner whole heartedly is because of doubt. I always wonder, do I have trust issues or am I creating excuses for him? If I can't trust him, why am I even in a relationship with him. Am I demanding too much?

Of course, all these are rhetorical questions. You aren't me nor him so you won't be able to provide me answers. Also, my boyfriend is NOT cheating on me.. YET (I'll never know the future?) but I'm having trust issues from a different aspect of life.

I think I might need to seek professional advice from a psychiatrist. Recommend me one. Thanks.